its true.. ive never felt heart break
waiting for luv so long ive been prone to feel heart ache
but yet my heart burns with a passion for this writing stuff
as i seek to deliver
a poem as beautiful as Matthew's scripture
i close each poem with a kiss
so my lips prove to my heart that love exists
each time i try to have my way with words, sometimes forcing the relationship,
pursing my lips, trying to make out with life
trying to understand why i've been blessed with this ability to make out life
no i've never felt heart break,
but i've seen tears drip from eyes intoxicated with despair, trying desperately to compensate
and each time i tear into this thing i love
my heart intensifies
which is when i realize
my heart is a pen in disguise
born in Lowell, but wit a philly soul, a brotha with luv, which you can see from what my penn states
Like I was born with a Pen-cil-vein that makes me stand out
and its purpose is to help me stand up!
iamnothing
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
My Destiny (as God chooses it to be)
My future is today.
So many decisions
to make, me
or break me.
I realized awhile ago
that college is not the best
four years of your life.
If they are,
then why am I wasting away
all this money (time)
to set up for the worse rest of my life.
So I decided to work
harder, and stay
focused. My dreams
more defined. My plan
on point.
My future was made up yesterday
when I made the decision
to reason with reality
but rely on Redemption.
He who knows my struggle
gave it to me as a blessing
to be. The best
things come the hardest ways.
It is a journey
of trust and faith.
You hold your destiny in your hands.
Yes, but for me, He who made these hands shall guide them.
MS
So many decisions
to make, me
or break me.
I realized awhile ago
that college is not the best
four years of your life.
If they are,
then why am I wasting away
all this money (time)
to set up for the worse rest of my life.
So I decided to work
harder, and stay
focused. My dreams
more defined. My plan
on point.
My future was made up yesterday
when I made the decision
to reason with reality
but rely on Redemption.
He who knows my struggle
gave it to me as a blessing
to be. The best
things come the hardest ways.
It is a journey
of trust and faith.
You hold your destiny in your hands.
Yes, but for me, He who made these hands shall guide them.
MS
Sunday, March 22, 2009
unanswerable questions
Ever since the 9th grade I knew my purpose in life was to write. I have been thirsting to record about the most tormenting period of time that changed who I was and how I viewed the world. The problem is, it has been almost seven years, and I don't have anything concrete to show for this goal. I have written numerous short stories and poems about it, and I figured that after college I would have enough material to sit on and finally bring together a fluent story. Well I am graduating next May, and by the looks of it, I barely have enough material to make up a chapter.
Recently over the past year or two I have had another idea simmering in my brain that would be a great story to tell as well. At first I thought it might just be easier because it was not as emotional to write about as was that critical period in my life. However, after seriously trying to start it has become quite clear that no matter what idea I come up with, writing a book is a daunting task.
I have met a few writers through my creative writing program at college, and all them have said the hardest obstacle to overcome when trying to write a book is accepting the fact that it is not as impossible as it seems. It is possible. I mean there are thousands of books out there that someone had to sit down and write. At the same time though, in my mind it seems incomprehensible that I am capable to write a book that would portray my story the way I want to. It is very intimidating, trying to write something with the perfect words. And even if I do finish and feel good about it, are other people going to want to read it? At this point I am depending on my family and friends to commit to buying 10 copies each. Then there is the fact that I just spent thousands upon thousands of dollars to go to college and study writing. It is as if it is mandatory for me to write a book because if I don't I have failed my parents, my supporters, and my education.
So what is a young amature writer to do? How do I overcome the odds and the pressure to do what I was born to do? I guess for now, just pray.
MS
Recently over the past year or two I have had another idea simmering in my brain that would be a great story to tell as well. At first I thought it might just be easier because it was not as emotional to write about as was that critical period in my life. However, after seriously trying to start it has become quite clear that no matter what idea I come up with, writing a book is a daunting task.
I have met a few writers through my creative writing program at college, and all them have said the hardest obstacle to overcome when trying to write a book is accepting the fact that it is not as impossible as it seems. It is possible. I mean there are thousands of books out there that someone had to sit down and write. At the same time though, in my mind it seems incomprehensible that I am capable to write a book that would portray my story the way I want to. It is very intimidating, trying to write something with the perfect words. And even if I do finish and feel good about it, are other people going to want to read it? At this point I am depending on my family and friends to commit to buying 10 copies each. Then there is the fact that I just spent thousands upon thousands of dollars to go to college and study writing. It is as if it is mandatory for me to write a book because if I don't I have failed my parents, my supporters, and my education.
So what is a young amature writer to do? How do I overcome the odds and the pressure to do what I was born to do? I guess for now, just pray.
MS
Friday, March 20, 2009
Proof...
I have never been one to really try to debate about political issues. But when I saw this video on an old friend's facebook (my piano teacher from a long time ago!) it just brought me to tears. It confirmed my belief about the death penalty.
My President Obama's view on the death penalty is that it should not be utilized except in the most heinous of crimes. Unfortunately I do not agree.
I believe there should not be such a thing as the death penalty. For one reason in itself, it is hypocritical of our government. We have a law that if you kill someone, you go to jail. It is a crime. Even in some instances, if you kill someone on accident it is a crime. So then how come the federal government can decide that someone should be killed? Does two wrongs make a right when it comes to murder? They give that criminal a day and a time when they will be killed. That is a planned murder. Please tell me how this brings justice!
I believe there is only one true Judge in this world, and only He can say when it is someone's time to pass.
Now if you still need more of an explanation than that, let me tell you. God made every man and soul on Earth. He knows that for some people, it takes a little more to help them understand who He is. There are so many criminals in this world because people have been blocking out the Light, and without the Light comes Evil. Through Evil there is hate, and with hate there are crimes as malicious as murder. Once a person is brought so low to this hole that they are lying in a pit, or a 3 x 5 cell, there can be light. A soul can be saved. When there seems to be no way, God can make a way. A person can find God in prison.
People don't understand that you are not just taking away someone's physical life with the death penalty. You are taking away their eternal life. You are taking away their last chance to find what truly sets you free from this world. So instead of taking away their life, just take away their physical freedom, so they may be able to find their eternal freedom, through Him.
MS
My President Obama's view on the death penalty is that it should not be utilized except in the most heinous of crimes. Unfortunately I do not agree.
I believe there should not be such a thing as the death penalty. For one reason in itself, it is hypocritical of our government. We have a law that if you kill someone, you go to jail. It is a crime. Even in some instances, if you kill someone on accident it is a crime. So then how come the federal government can decide that someone should be killed? Does two wrongs make a right when it comes to murder? They give that criminal a day and a time when they will be killed. That is a planned murder. Please tell me how this brings justice!
I believe there is only one true Judge in this world, and only He can say when it is someone's time to pass.
Now if you still need more of an explanation than that, let me tell you. God made every man and soul on Earth. He knows that for some people, it takes a little more to help them understand who He is. There are so many criminals in this world because people have been blocking out the Light, and without the Light comes Evil. Through Evil there is hate, and with hate there are crimes as malicious as murder. Once a person is brought so low to this hole that they are lying in a pit, or a 3 x 5 cell, there can be light. A soul can be saved. When there seems to be no way, God can make a way. A person can find God in prison.
People don't understand that you are not just taking away someone's physical life with the death penalty. You are taking away their eternal life. You are taking away their last chance to find what truly sets you free from this world. So instead of taking away their life, just take away their physical freedom, so they may be able to find their eternal freedom, through Him.
MS
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The oversimplified.... jet li
One universityOne student
One body
One word
Like beauty or
N************
One stereotype seen by two eyes
one sight
One label
model or minority
one model minority
one vision
One country
One black
One white
Two sides
One wrong
One right
One war
Two results
One victorious
One defeated
one way to be misleaded
One death
Civil Rights
One time, tick tock
One month
One life
One God
One Father
Wait... two fathers
Two parents
one family
One heart
Mindful words destined for
Two ears
One mind
One perception
Two steps
One direction
One destiny
One poem, one mic
One luv
One
Peace
just somethin a lil different... after watching this poem, i realized i forgot to put manhood.
25 Things About Me (A Narrative)
Yesterday was the first meeting of my Creative Non-Fiction Class since the tragic accident that took one of our classmate's lives. It was so awkward, walking into the classroom, sitting down around the table, looking at her empty chair. It took everything I had to keep from getting emotional during the moment of silence we held for her. So many thoughts were going through my head, and all I could feel was the same pain I knew her family, especially her little sister was going through at that very moment. Today I decided to go onto her blog and see what kind of stuff she posted on there, and turns out one of the exercises we did in class was there. Our teacher found out about the phenomena happening on facebook where people wrote 25 things about themselves and sent it around for everyone to read. Our job in class was to do the same thing, but in narrative form. So our 25 facts would turn into a rather short story, since we only had about 15 minutes to write it. After re-reading hers on her blog, it made me want to post mine. So, here it is, and with only 21 facts because I can't remember all 25!
1. My best friend and I joined a basketball team in 5th grade.
2. We only won two games, one being a forfeit.
3. Half way into the season, I jammed my finger and had to tape it to a popsicle stick for two weeks. I wasn't able to play for a few games, but I was a great cheerleader for the team.
4. After that season, I decided I wanted to play basketball on a collegiate team. It was my new dream.
5. I wanted to try out for my high school team my freshman year, but decided not to after my sister was in a car accident and needed my support to recover.
6. Sophomore year, I did try out and made the freshman team.
7. I played point guard the first game, and was horrible.
8. I was changed to a shooting guard. Much better.
9. Four games into the season, I sprained my knee.
10. I wasn't able to play for the rest of the season, but was a great scorekeeper!
11. My doctor told me that I should stay away from sports. The risk of injuring my knee permanently was too great.
12. My Sophomore year in college my friend convinced me to be co-captain of a co-ed flag football team.
13. Four games into the season, I sprained the same knee all over again.
14. I couldn't play the rest of the season, but resumed my role of team cheerleader!
15. My junior year, I decided to try just exercise.
16. After a few weeks, my back was aching so bad I couldn't get out of bed.
17. The doctor told me I most likely had ankylosing spondilitis, a rare blood disorder that produces extra bone on the spine and ribcage.
18. I quit exercising.
19. This year, I started to exercise once again, since the pain has been absent for awhile.
20. I asked my PE teacher what exercises to do to reduce the risk of injuring anything.
21. So far I haven't hurt anything. Not yet anyway :)
MS
1. My best friend and I joined a basketball team in 5th grade.
2. We only won two games, one being a forfeit.
3. Half way into the season, I jammed my finger and had to tape it to a popsicle stick for two weeks. I wasn't able to play for a few games, but I was a great cheerleader for the team.
4. After that season, I decided I wanted to play basketball on a collegiate team. It was my new dream.
5. I wanted to try out for my high school team my freshman year, but decided not to after my sister was in a car accident and needed my support to recover.
6. Sophomore year, I did try out and made the freshman team.
7. I played point guard the first game, and was horrible.
8. I was changed to a shooting guard. Much better.
9. Four games into the season, I sprained my knee.
10. I wasn't able to play for the rest of the season, but was a great scorekeeper!
11. My doctor told me that I should stay away from sports. The risk of injuring my knee permanently was too great.
12. My Sophomore year in college my friend convinced me to be co-captain of a co-ed flag football team.
13. Four games into the season, I sprained the same knee all over again.
14. I couldn't play the rest of the season, but resumed my role of team cheerleader!
15. My junior year, I decided to try just exercise.
16. After a few weeks, my back was aching so bad I couldn't get out of bed.
17. The doctor told me I most likely had ankylosing spondilitis, a rare blood disorder that produces extra bone on the spine and ribcage.
18. I quit exercising.
19. This year, I started to exercise once again, since the pain has been absent for awhile.
20. I asked my PE teacher what exercises to do to reduce the risk of injuring anything.
21. So far I haven't hurt anything. Not yet anyway :)
MS
Monday, March 2, 2009
Life is Short
Older folk always tell me, you are so young! You have so much life to live, don't worry about stuff too much now. I just shrug my shoulders and nod my head. No use in trying to make them understand how there is no guaranteed lifespan. There is an unwritten societal rule that one shouldn't worry about anything too seriously until they reach an age of maturity, such as 30 or 40. And since most of those who say this to me have already surpassed this age, they forget that some people never do.
Today I have noticed a small trend that has occurred over the past eight years of my life. Every two years, at least one person I know in some way, shape, or form has been killed by a car accident. Each time it hits me differently, and today is one of the times where a part of me just hurts. I learned through an email from my creative writing non-fiction professor, that a classmate passed away on Saturday from a car accident. I didn't know her well, but enough that I felt something. You learn a lot about a person from their writing, especially non-fiction, because each piece they share is a piece of themselves. I remember that classmate's one story I was fortunate enough to critique, and it was a ode to Wal-Mart and how much she hates it. It was a rather funny piece and it really showed how blunt, sarcastic, and relatable she was. In class, she always shared her opinions with us and sometimes when our teacher would start rambling on about absolutely nothing, we would make eye contact and chuckle to ourselves. It was as if we both were sharing the same thought: What the hell is she talking about! Now all I can think about is tomorrow's class, and how different it is going to be. The first thing everyone is going to notice is her empty seat, and how it will remain that way for the remainder of the semester.
I have wondered many times why so many people I know have died in a car accident. Yes, statistically the highest cause of death of people between the ages of 18 and 24 is from an automobile accident. However, for some reason I don't feel that is the right explanation for this weird phenomena. Lately I have began to wonder if God is trying to say something directly to me through these events. I can't figure out exactly what. Is He saying Don't drive too fast. Be careful, this could happen to you! Right now I believe it is just a reminder, telling me that you never know what could happen. Life really is short, and could be shorter than what you think. So I always just keep that in mind and want to make sure that if I am going to die anytime soon, that my last moments were worth it. Every day I wake up is a blessing, and every night that I get to rest my head on a pillow safely and soundly is an opportunity to thank God for being my Sheperd.
RIP
Robert Martinelli II
Courtney Butcher
Kayla Palker
Matt Turgeon
Ryan Young
Today I have noticed a small trend that has occurred over the past eight years of my life. Every two years, at least one person I know in some way, shape, or form has been killed by a car accident. Each time it hits me differently, and today is one of the times where a part of me just hurts. I learned through an email from my creative writing non-fiction professor, that a classmate passed away on Saturday from a car accident. I didn't know her well, but enough that I felt something. You learn a lot about a person from their writing, especially non-fiction, because each piece they share is a piece of themselves. I remember that classmate's one story I was fortunate enough to critique, and it was a ode to Wal-Mart and how much she hates it. It was a rather funny piece and it really showed how blunt, sarcastic, and relatable she was. In class, she always shared her opinions with us and sometimes when our teacher would start rambling on about absolutely nothing, we would make eye contact and chuckle to ourselves. It was as if we both were sharing the same thought: What the hell is she talking about! Now all I can think about is tomorrow's class, and how different it is going to be. The first thing everyone is going to notice is her empty seat, and how it will remain that way for the remainder of the semester.
I have wondered many times why so many people I know have died in a car accident. Yes, statistically the highest cause of death of people between the ages of 18 and 24 is from an automobile accident. However, for some reason I don't feel that is the right explanation for this weird phenomena. Lately I have began to wonder if God is trying to say something directly to me through these events. I can't figure out exactly what. Is He saying Don't drive too fast. Be careful, this could happen to you! Right now I believe it is just a reminder, telling me that you never know what could happen. Life really is short, and could be shorter than what you think. So I always just keep that in mind and want to make sure that if I am going to die anytime soon, that my last moments were worth it. Every day I wake up is a blessing, and every night that I get to rest my head on a pillow safely and soundly is an opportunity to thank God for being my Sheperd.
RIP
Robert Martinelli II
Courtney Butcher
Kayla Palker
Matt Turgeon
Ryan Young
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Water My Life
The therapeutic beauty of an oceans waves strongly contradicts the appearance of its actions
As it ferociously approaches the shore each time Poseidon takes a breath, the only feelings that it seems to conjure up is natural tranquility.
These days, the likelihood of seeing me with a glass of water is equal to the amount calories found in a bottle of poland spring
I hate water
Bottled up emotions did not stream out of my system properly
Tears somehow remained behind sockets whose visions see raw scenes, ducts unplugged from the constant stream of pain that life seems to always ignite
When it rain it pours, so you can only imagine what that feels like to oversaturated pores.
I wish that reality only just hit rid of all of its complexities
That it simply left bruises that can be seen on the exterior
Not something that can build a complex while it lingers in your mind and engages in battle with your interior
Wish that it could be covered up with a band aid or and people could empathize
Instead of notice your actions are different but never ask why?
Feel I've overthought most things people don't think over
But couldn't imagine being thoughtless, my heart controls my thoughts, so if i stopped thinking, id be heartless
Feelings unsettled, my stream of consciousness is suffocated by thoughts of not belonging, somewhere upon growth, i lost traits i thought were innate
Like the fetus who swims effortlessly and grows up into a man afraid of water.
When I was younger,my showers would leave the bathroom, feeling like a sonna
oven hot in the midst of a Massachusetts winter
My parents would open the door and complain of the volcanic heat, as lava like vapor would cover their body, prompting a stone faced reaction
the lack of understanding was frustrating, they didn't know my heart used to be allergic to cold, even the smallest drop released from a chemist's pulpit would make my heart sick
Growing up in a cold word, has made my heart slightly transform
Black ice surrounds it
I blame it when I slip up, and others for not seeing it was there
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