unanswerable questions

Ever since the 9th grade I knew my purpose in life was to write. I have been thirsting to record about the most tormenting period of time that changed who I was and how I viewed the world. The problem is, it has been almost seven years, and I don't have anything concrete to show for this goal. I have written numerous short stories and poems about it, and I figured that after college I would have enough material to sit on and finally bring together a fluent story. Well I am graduating next May, and by the looks of it, I barely have enough material to make up a chapter.

Recently over the past year or two I have had another idea simmering in my brain that would be a great story to tell as well. At first I thought it might just be easier because it was not as emotional to write about as was that critical period in my life. However, after seriously trying to start it has become quite clear that no matter what idea I come up with, writing a book is a daunting task.

I have met a few writers through my creative writing program at college, and all them have said the hardest obstacle to overcome when trying to write a book is accepting the fact that it is not as impossible as it seems. It is possible. I mean there are thousands of books out there that someone had to sit down and write. At the same time though, in my mind it seems incomprehensible that I am capable to write a book that would portray my story the way I want to. It is very intimidating, trying to write something with the perfect words. And even if I do finish and feel good about it, are other people going to want to read it? At this point I am depending on my family and friends to commit to buying 10 copies each. Then there is the fact that I just spent thousands upon thousands of dollars to go to college and study writing. It is as if it is mandatory for me to write a book because if I don't I have failed my parents, my supporters, and my education.

So what is a young amature writer to do? How do I overcome the odds and the pressure to do what I was born to do? I guess for now, just pray.

MS